Articles

I have always found the Biblical expression `Become what thou art' full of meaning. Becoming beautiful is like that. But it is not a static state of perfection, as the glossy magazines would have us believe - one fleeting moment on a well-made-up, well-lit face, captured for eternity by the camera. It is a living process, an unfolding of your uniqueness, no matter what your age or where you start from - a kind of journey which, for me, is one of the two most exciting things in life. The other, I believe, is creativity itself, whether it is expressed in painting a picture, cooking a meal, running a business, loving a man or caring for a child. And the wonderful thing about the whole process of becoming what you really are is that it inevitably leads to greater creativity and satisfaction in what you do. What could be better than that?

My first child was born in a huge teaching hospital in Los Angeles. The labor was long and regrettably not natural. I was given an analgesic during labor and an epidural for the delivery. It was all very cold, efficient and mechanical. The hospital I was in happened to be a Catholic one in which every other woman there seemed already to know the ropes since she was giving birth to her fifth or eighth or tenth child. Nobody bothered to tell me much about what was going on or what was expected of me. My baby was taken from me immediately after the birth and put into a nursery with all of the other babies while I was wheeled off to a private room. Soon they brought this tiny creature to me. I held him in my arms and stared at him in stark wonder. Then at three hourly intervals he would reappear for twenty minutes at a time and I'd hold him in bed beside me until the nurse would come and take him away again. The third or fourth time they brought him to me, he began to cry. I nestled him, rocked him, and spoke gently to him but he wouldn't stop so I rang for the nurse. `My baby's crying,' I said, `What should I do?' `Have you burped him?' `Burped him?' `You have fed him haven't you?' `Fed him? Am I supposed to feed him?` The nurse took him and put him to my breast. His tiny mouth opened and reached for me as if he had known forever what to do. He began to suck with such force it took my breath away. It was like being attached to a vacuum cleaner. I began to laugh. I couldn't help myself. It seemed incredible that such a tiny creature could have such power and determination. He too had a purpose. He was raw, insistent and real. With every fiber of his being, this child was drawing his life and he would not be denied. Tears of joy ran shamelessly down my cheeks while he sucked. There in the midst of all that clinical green and white, I had discovered what love was all about. It was really quite simple—a meeting of two beings. The age, the sex, the relationship didn't matter. That day two creatures - he and I — had met. We touched each other in utter honesty and simplicity. This experience was for me a true epiphany. My life was forever altered by it. There was nothing romantic or solemn about it. No obligations, no duties, no fancy games, and you didn't have to read an encyclopedia of baby care to experience it. We'd met, just that. Somewhere in spirit we were friends. I knew beyond all doubt that I had found something real and real it has remained.

I never met a vegetable I didn’t like. Of course, it took me a while to realize this. Like a lot of people, I grew up fed on mushy Brussels sprouts, canned spinach and revolting beetroot salads, as well as other nameless horrors served in truck drivers’ cafes and as school meals. Only when I began to make vegetable juices, exuberant salads and cook my own vegetables did I discover just how delicious vegetables can be in their many incarnations. For a long time, cooked vegetables have had a bad rap. Some of this is the result of our not being able to buy an abundance of good quality organic vegetables. As a result, most of us have come to think of vegetables as flavorless things which everyone knows you’re supposed to eat because they’re good for you, but nobody can face them. When vegetables are cooked properly, they have a marvelous flavor of their own. LIFE FORCE CAN BE YOURS From the humble turnip to the leaves of radiccio, vegetables are superb sources of light energy form the sun—the same light from which your living body is made. Their beauty is the beauty of life force itself. When they have been grown in healthy soils and eaten either raw or with as little cooking as possible, this energy becomes your energy—an energy which can’t be measured in chemical terms but its potential for enhancing health exceeds even that of phytonutrients themselves. Steam vegetables, stir-fry them, bake them, purée them, eat them raw—however you go, vegetables are not only one of the most important food groups in relation to health; they are some of the most delicious. BEYOND ANTI-OXIDANTS Low in calories and riddled with fiber, certified organic vegetables are rich sources of antioxidants from Vitamins C, E and phytochemicals, helping to protect against the free-radical damage that produces degeneration and rapid aging. Not long ago at Tufts University, scientists developed a method of determining the anti-oxidant power of specific fruits and vegetables by measuring their ability to quench free radicals in a laboratory test tube. We can now test a food’s oxygen radical absorbance capacity. Using the ORAC test, we can categorize a fruit or vegetable according to its overall anti-oxidant power. Fruits such as blueberries, blackberries, strawberries and raspberries are at the top of the list, along with vegetables like kale and spinach, Brussels sprouts and broccoli. The antioxidant capacities of a high ORAC fruit or vegetable goes way beyond its vitamin and mineral content. COLOR ME RADIANT By now independent researchers have identified hundreds of health-enhancing phytochemicals to inhibit blood clotting, balance cholesterol, detoxify the body of wastes and poisons, reduce inflammation and allergies and even slow the proliferation of cancer cells. These amazing nutraceuticals, work synergistically. This means that the wider the variety of low-sugar fruits and non-starchy vegetables you eat, the greater will be the protective health-enhancing benefits you. Eat more spinach and leafy greens such as silver beet, kale or collards, and you tap into a rich supply of the carotenoids, zeaxanthin and lutein to help protect your eyes and brain from degeneration. In an interesting study of 356 older people reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association, researchers found that eating good quantities of these leafy green vegetables—the equivalent of a large spinach salad each day—reduced their risk of macular degeneration by 43%. (This is the age-related retinal disease that has you holding a menu three feet away from you in order to read it.) SIGN OF THE CROSS I always think the word “cruciferous” sounds like some kind of a crunchy salad. In fact it is used to identify vegetables, including the brassicas, which get their name from the fact that they carry cross-shaped flower petals. These same vegetables—including bok choy, mustard greens, collards, turnips, swedes, broccoli, kale, cabbage and cauliflower, boast high levels of all sorts of phytochemicals and vitamins, plus special kinds of precious fiber. For a start, they are rich in indoles, especially indole-3-carbinol, which has the remarkable ability to increase your body’s production of detoxifying enzymes. This is one of the reasons why women who eat a lot of the crucifers—four or more times a week— have a very low incidence of cancer of the breast and of the ovaries. Indole-3-carbinol, and probably other plant factors too, in cruciferous vegetables both help clear the body of the forms of estrogen that have a negative effect on it, as well as dramatically decreasing the body’s production of these forms of estrogen. But beware: indoles are highly heat-sensitive. To get the best from them both in flavor and in their health-boosting powers, it is best to eat them raw, lightly steamed or wok-fried. PROTECT YOUR DNA Another study from the Journal of Neuroscience reported that eating a good portion of spinach each day delayed the onset of age-related memory loss. Broccoli and Brussels sprouts, rich in sulforaphane and indoles, protect DNA from damage. Scientists estimate that each of the 60 trillion cells in the human body, each one suffers 10,000 free radical “hits” each day. And this is on the increase as a result of increasing chemicals in our environment. Phytonutrients help protect us from oxidation damage. Eating large quantities of fresh organically grown vegetables is breakthrough stuff when it comes to establishing radiant health. So make friends with the colorful vegetable kingdom. Build your daily meals around them by eating salads, by drinking juices, by cooking them in ways that preserve as much of their innate life-enhancing abilities as possible. So much for the technical stuff. Now, let me share with you a few of my favorite vegetable recipes. Try them and see what you think: perfect purÉes I’ve never been able to figure out why the most common puréed vegetable is mashed potatoes, when there are so many other vegetables, like beetroot, swede, spinach, beans, carrots, and celeriac, which purée equally well. The secret of great vegetable purée lies in what you add to it. You can either cook the vegetables and purée them on their own, or you can mix them together to make bright-colored complements for fish, poultry and meat dishes. One of my favorites is celeriac, which I think goes beautifully with any kind of game or fish. Carrots too make a wonderful purée, as does spinach. Even beetroot, which I think tastes ghastly in its normal boiled form, brings wonderful color and flavor to a meal when puréed and seasoned properly. What You Need 450g of root vegetables 1/2–3/4 cup of organic, sugar free coconut milk 75g of butter 1/2 teaspoon of vegetable bouillon powder 2 cloves of garlic, chopped (optional) 3 tablespoons of chopped parsley A handful of raw cashew nuts Sea or Himalayan salt Freshly-ground black pepper Here’s How Cut off the top and bottom of the vegetables and wash thoroughly, but do not peel, as much of the nutritional value in vegetables is in the skin itself. Slice each vegetable about 1/4 inch thick and cut each slice into 4–8 pieces. Place them in an electric steamer or a steamer pan over boiling water. Steam for 15–20 minutes until they grow tender. Put the cooked vegetables into a food processor or blender. Add the butter, garlic, vegetable bouillon powder, parsley and cashews and blend, adding enough coconut milk to give your purée the consistency you want. This usually takes about 2–3 minutes. Taste and season accordingly. You can make these purées the day before and then gently reheat them with a knob of butter on top. Asparagus A member of the lily family, asparagus was used by the ancient Greeks to treat kidney and liver troubles. It's one of the best natural remedies for PMS-related bloating and a top source of folic acid, the antioxidant glutathione and vitamin C. Not only does asparagus appear in early spring with a very short growing season—which makes it seem ultra-desirable—it is another powerfully healing vegetable. Asparagus has long been used in Ayurvedic medicine as a remedy against indigestion. When researchers compared the therapeutic effect of asparagus with a commonly used drug in the prevention of nausea, hiatus hernia, heartburn and gastric acid reflux, they found that asparagus was just as effective as the common drug remedy, yet had no side effects. Asparagus also has great diuretic properties. It stimulates the digestion and has long been used to alleviate rheumatism and arthritis. And it has sedative properties. When shopping for asparagus, look for bright green, straight, fresh-looking spears with compact tips. Stay away from the woody, stringy or streaked spears and those with spreading tips. These are sure signs that they're not really fresh. Bring the asparagus home and rinse it in cold water. You can use raw asparagus in salads by cutting it into 1/2" pieces, and also as crudités with dips. But the thinner asparagus is better for this. And it must be very fresh and crunchy if you're not going to cook it. Because the tips of asparagus cook much faster than the tails, it's a good idea to steam it in a tall, lidded pan designed specially for that purpose: but don't worry if you don't happen to have one. I like to serve steamed asparagus with wedges of lemon and shaved Parmesan, plus a little garlic salt and pepper. You can also use homemade dips, pestos or mayonnaise including aïoli and serve asparagus hot or cold. BAKED ASPARAGUS serves 4 to 6 I love baked asparagus. This recipe makes a great starter to a formal meal, but I like to eat it on its own as a meal in itself. What You Need 3 dozen organic asparagus spears, trimmed and peeled if necessary 2–6 tablespoons of melted butter Sea salt or Himalayan Salt and coarsely ground pepper to taste 1 lemon, divided into 6 wedges Here's How Place the asparagus side by side in a flat, rectangular baking dish and drizzle wipe with butter. Season with salt and pepper. Cover with a lid or with foil. Then bake at 225ºC (430ºF, Gas Mark 7) for 20–30 minutes, depending upon the thickness of the asparagus – that is until the spears are browned and tender. Add a little extra melted butter just before serving if it is needed, and a wedge of lemon to each plate. This can be served warm or cold. snow pea AND ALMOND STIR FRY A great combination of crunchy almonds and delicate green mange tout, or snow peas. What You Need 250g of snow peas 2 tablespoons coconut oil or boiled-down soup stock 50g of almond slivers, toasted or raw 125g of mushrooms 1 teaspoon of tamari 1” finger of fresh ginger, shredded fine Here’s How Top and tail the snow peas. Heat the oil or boiled-down stock in a wok or large frying pan. When hot, add the almonds and ginger and stir fry for 3–5 minutes. Now add the remaining ingredients and continue to stir fry for another 2–3 minutes. Serve immediately. Other Ways to Go Great candidates for stir frying include Chinese cabbage with cashews, sprouts with tofu, carrots with fresh parsley, cabbage and onions. Do try some of my favorite recipes and let me know how you get on with them. Also, please let me know if you have any other of your own wonderful vegetable recipes you want to share with us.

I smile when the word “retreat” comes up and people get all “starry eyed” and “new age” about the idea. In my experience, a retreat—an enormously valuable event in one’s life which needs periodically to be repeated—has little to do with sitting beneath jasmine scented trees, communing peacefully with God. I have done many retreats of different lengths and kinds, including one in a Tibetan monastery, in which I spent some six weeks learning more about fleas than I would ever want to know. I believe each retreat is meant to be an experience of profound inner transformation, carried out with both feet planted firmly on the ground. PLUMBING THE DEPTHS Like any experience of real change, it asks that we plumb the depths of our being to come closer to what is real, as well as to access creativity, power, and energy we may never have touched before. In many ways, the process is like that of detoxifying your body by shifting from a low-carbohydrate diet to a way of eating that brings clarity to the mind and strength to the body. Retreats often bring to the surface a lot of the toxic “junk” from emotional damage and wrong thinking that all of us carry on a psychological and mental level, so it can be cleared. This is not always a comfortable process. DISCOVERING YOUR POTENTIALS Like the proverbial iceberg, most of us live with the lion’s share of our potential for freedom, joy, creativity, and power submerged beneath a sea of unknowing. We go about our day-to-day duties and pleasures, conscious only of what comes to us through our five senses. How does it taste and feel? What does it sound like? What do we see in front of our eyes? And most of the time—because of the stress that we live under in our urban lives —we are not even fully aware of our senses. Meanwhile, beneath the vast ocean of consciousness that constitutes what it is to be fully human, our greater selves hibernate, waiting to be awakened. It is this awakening that a retreat can help bring about. For like exceptional events in our lives which break through comfort zones—when we fall in love perhaps, or when we’re faced with an event of life-shattering proportions like a critical illness or the death of a close friend—a retreat in silence and solitude can cause submerged areas of our being to erupt in magic, in surges of passion, in vitality, in anxiety, in stunning beauty. EXPANDED AWARENESS For a time, the mundane quality of everyday life is replaced with a sense of expanded being. We not only feel more alive; we wake up to find that familiar things—the tree that stands outside the bedroom window, the cat that greets us when we come home each day, the simple shell we picked up and slipped into our pocket while walking on the beach—has taken on a luminosity we cannot explain. On retreat sometimes, without warning, while listening to music or walking down a street, we can be hit with a feeling that the world is far greater than we ever imagined it to be, or a sense that all we see around us somehow is us. We are all part of the same stuff. While the experience lasts, everything seems right in the world. Then, as our retreat ends, like the sun at the point of setting, it can all fade beneath the mundane horizon—leaving only the faintest wisp of colour to remind us that we once stood in glory, felt the rays of the sun upon our bodies, and knew that sense of being at one with the universe which gives every struggle meaning. A retreat, whether or not it is simply 2 hours set aside a week for you to do something that you absolutely love doing so that you are following your passion; whether you go into a monastery or a retreat centre for a long weekend; or into the wilderness on a vision quest, helps connect us with what is real, and remind us of who we really are. In the silence, when we are removed from the day-to-day structures of our lives which both support us and imprison us, we can begin to plunge the depths of our being and make a better connection with our inner visions, longings, passions, and creative power. DETOX FOR THE SOUL One of the most important gifts of a retreat is to help make us aware that the life we are living may not be entirely our own, or that it is not as authentic as we would like it to be, or that we are not getting as much out of our lives as we feel we should be. Such discoveries are never easy. Yet they often herald exciting changes for the better and help clear away much of the toxic “junk” we have been carrying. The process of reclaiming power and rebalancing energy, by walking away for a time from the ordinary structures of your life, is very much like the process of detoxifying the body. When you stop putting convenience foods into your body and begin eating in a way that supports life-long health, something remarkable happens. Not only do our physical distortions rise to the surface; you might experience fatigue, perhaps a headache as a result of giving up coffee, a deep cleansing of the body. In many ways a retreat acts as a detox for the soul. On a spiritual level, the distortions that we have picked up in our lives also tend to rise to the surface to be cleared away. We may find ourselves temporarily riddled with depression or a sense of meaninglessness, fear, the feeling that the life we are living in no way satisfies our inner need. WRITE IT DOWN On any retreat, it is essential to keep a journal of what you are thinking and how you are feeling, both physically and spiritually. We often forget that mind and body are one, not two separate entities. Nothing brings this truth more to consciousness than the process of retreating from our day-to-day life. For when you let go of the structures of your life for a time, the ideas, feelings, memories, and concerns that have been floating beneath the surface rise up into awareness. This is where it is important not to identify with them, but rather to just remark that they are there, record them, and learn to look at them objectively knowing that the fact they have risen to the surface means that they are probably ready to be got rid of, often leaving us lighter and freer than ever before. LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE Simultaneously, probably because the psyche is so rich and complex and when you are on retreat you hear the whispers of your soul better than any other time, we tend to get tiny messages from the soul. We often get a sense of things that we want to do or be, learn, or try. Some of these things may be insignificant, while others seem to be very large indeed. Record these “whispers” in a journal, right alongside any negative or confusing feelings which surface. At the end of a retreat, you can then go back to these whispers which you have recorded. Make a decision to act upon one or two of the things you want, whether they be apparently insignificant things such as I want to change the way my hair is cut, or large issues such as I want to go back to university and learn new skills. DISCOVER YOUR PASSIONS A retreat can help us come in touch with passions of the soul. Passion, I believe, holds the key to everything, and more than anything else, the stressful demanding lives that we live, where we are living mostly by other people’s rules (being the good employee, the good mother, the good wife etc.) tend to make us deaf to the whispers of our soul. A retreat can awaken again our ability to hear these passions. A NEW LIFE BEGINS The real trick to making retreats work for you comes after the retreat is over. It’s at that point, when you look back into your journal and find out what it is, and are reminded of the things that you most want. These are not just things that you think might be possible, but what you really want in your life. Decide to bring into being only one or two of the things that you want most to do. This is how we ground our spiritual insights in our day-to-day lives and then gradually, bit by bit, day by day, we not only find that the “distortions” we have carried so long have lessened, loosening their hold on us. With each action we take, following one or two or more of what one hears from within, it becomes easier and easier to connect with our soul’s whispers and therefore easier and easier to live an infinitely rewarding, authentic life. And, as often as not, all this can begin with a simple intention to retreat.

London’s Daily Mail approached me a few weeks ago asking me to write a piece on what it’s like to have 4 children by 4 different men. The idea intrigued me so I did. The piece wasn’t published since, they said, “It’s not written in the Mail style.” So here it is as a personal gift from me to you. I hope you enjoy it. Struggling to hold back the tears, my daughter’s voice on the crackly phone line was barely a whisper. “Mama, Dan died this morning,” she said. Dan Smith, biological father to my third child, Jesse, was much loved by all of my children. He had been seriously ill with a rare form of leukaemia. We knew he could die any moment. Still, the news that reached me at my Primrose Hill home that cold February morning in 2010 sent shock waves through me. “We’re already organising the funeral,” Susannah went on. “We want to play jazz music, tell fun stories about Dan and celebrate his life. Don’t worry about being 12,000 miles away, we’ll video all of it for you to watch later.” I would love to have been there to celebrate Dan’s life. It had been a good life. He was an honorable man—one who kept his promises. Dan had long adored each of my four children although only one of them was a child of his own body. Four years earlier, Dan had chosen to move to New Zealand to be near the children. Together they had searched for and found a house for him so that all of us—me included—could spend precious time with Dan and care for him so long as he lived. NOT THE MARRYING KIND I had met Dan 53 years earlier when I was seventeen years old. We became friends. Later, in my mid-twenties, we were briefly married. I was never much in favor of marriage, however. That’s probably why I chose to give birth to four children by four different men. Now I’m being called a trailblazer for what is becoming an increasingly popular brand of mothering, commonly referred to as ‘multi-dadding.’ I am supposed to be what is fashionably termed a ‘4x4.’ Mothering children by more than one man recently hit the headlines with the news that actress Kate Winslet is expecting her third child by her third husband, the rock star Ned Rocknroll. Kate, 37, has a 12-year-old daughter, Mia, with her first husband, Jim Threapleton, and a nine-year-old son, Joe, with her second husband, Sam Mendes. The former weather girl Ulrika Jonsson is a 4x4, and the late TV presenter Paula Yates was a 4x2. While supposedly gaining popularity, this style of mothering is still hugely controversial. I am told that the news that a woman has children by more than one man is still met with a mixture of horror and fascination. Maybe I’ve been lucky, but I have never had to deal with either of these attitudes. To tell the truth, I have never much cared what people think about me, how I chose to live my life or the way I have raised my children. Perhaps that’s a good thing, or maybe I am just naïve. One thing is for sure: I’ve always been one of those women so fertile that that a man could almost look at me and I’d get pregnant. I would never miscarry. I rode horses, went surfing and danced all night while pregnant and suffered no consequences. I am told that women like me are often looked upon as monstrously selfish, bad mothers. They are accused of being feckless for having multiple lovers and just plain wrong for not providing their children with a ‘traditional family setup.’ I’m sure some traditional families are genuinely wise, stable and happy. The parents love each other and care for their children with great devotion and joy. But, in my experience, such families are few and far between. KIDS MATTER MOST What matters most in child rearing is neither convention nor family labels. It is the children. Children brought up by a devoted single mother (or single father) who lovingly trusts their own parental instincts and forms honest relationships with each child in their care, thrive. I believe this is far better than desperately trying to hold on to a marriage that doesn’t work ‘for the children’s sake.’ What I find sad is the way an ordinary single woman—not a movie star or media giant—who has children by more than one man and has to bring them up by herself, earning a living and juggling the needs not only of her children but also increasingly of their fathers, doesn't get the attention, sympathy, or anywhere near the admiration she deserves. It’s a challenging job for any woman. I know, I’ve done it. I’ve raised four children all on my own, earned the money for our family, stayed up all night caring for them when they had measles, chicken pox or mumps, then got up the next morning to make breakfast and iron that school uniform about which I was told, “Mama...my teacher says it has to be perfect.” Many a time I worried where the money was coming from to pay for food that week. LION-HEARTED MOTHERHOOD I champion any woman making a life for the children she loves in this way. It is the child that matters most and his or her relationship to a mother, father, or a caring friend. Every woman has a powerful lion-hearted passion to care for and protect her children. Women should trust themselves, give thanks for such power and use it for the benefit of their children. Kids are notoriously smart. They know when they are being fed a line about what they are “supposed” to think and say. They easily distinguish between what’s real and what’s contrived. As parents, if we want to gain the respect of our children we must always tell them the truth and treat them with respect as well as demand that they respect us in return. As far as the fathers of our children are concerned, they deserve the same respect and honesty from a woman as the child does, whether or not she is married to them. I believe that each child needs to get to know its father in its own way and make its own judgements. MY OWN STORY I grew up in a wildly unconventional family of highly creative, unstable people. Until I was 5, I was raised by my maternal grandmother. Later I was raped by my father and had my brain fried with ECT in an attempt to make me forget all that had happened to me. I was always a tomboy. I hated dolls. I loved to climb trees and play football. Yet from 5 years old I was sure that I wanted to have children. When I told my grandmother my plan she said I would need to get married to have children. “What’s married?” I asked. “It’s when you wear a white dress and have a big beautiful cake and promise to love and obey a man,” she said. “Ugh, I’ll never do that,” I replied. “I hate cake.” In any case, I knew she was lying to me since none of our Siamese cats were married, but they gave birth to masses of kittens. At the age of 17, while in my Freshman year at Stanford University, I got pregnant by a 22 year old man named Peter Dau. I rang my father. “I’m pregnant,” I told him. “What are you going to do?” “Give birth and keep the baby.” “You can’t keep the baby unless you get married,” he said. Had I been a little more gutsy I would have told him to get stuffed. But at the age of 17, still wrestling with all that had happened to me in my own childhood, he wielded a lot of influence over me. So I agreed. Peter was all for the idea. Single-handedly I put together an all-white wedding for 250 people in the garden of our Beverley Hills home. I made the decision to wear black shoes under my white satin dress. I felt I was giving my life away by marrying Peter, but I was willing to make the sacrifice since I so wanted this child. As soon as Dan learned of the wedding, he sent me a beautiful sterling silver bowl as a present which I still have. My first son, Branton, was born six months later. When I held this tiny baby in my arms he taught me the most important lesson I ever learned: Love exists. It is simple, real and has nothing to do with highfalutin notions or flowery words. At the age of 18, I realized my life had found its purpose—to love and be loved. PREGNANT AGAIN A year later, Peter and I left California for New York where he was to attend medical school while I went to work as a model to help support us. At that time, Dan left his job as a journalist in Massachusetts and moved to New York to be near us. My marriage to Peter ended amicably three years later. It should never have happened in the first place. Three days after leaving Peter back in California, I stopped overnight at my father’s house in Beverley Hills on my way back to New York. Barry Comden, a man much older than I whom I had known since I was 14 but never had a sexual relationship with, discovered I was in town and came to see me. I made love to him once and knew immediately that I was pregnant again. Marry Barry? No way. I was determined not to make the same mistake twice. (Years later Barry would marry the actress Doris Day.) Nine months later my only daughter, Susannah, was born. It was then that a large tumor growing off of my right ovary was discovered. It had been hidden behind the baby during my pregnancy. It was dangerous and had to be surgically removed. HELP WHEN IT MATTERS Once again Dan appeared in my life. He had always insisted that he fell in love with me from the first day we met. He had written me letters every single day my first year at Stanford. I never answered any of them. I didn’t share his love and I didn’t want to lead him on. He had also sent me book after book which he thought I should read. I read them all and loved them. Dan had always been kind and generous to me. He was always keen to protect and care for me when I needed it. So, when I ended up penniless and alone with two children and in need of major surgery, he offered me a home. I accepted. For several months the four of us lived together in New York. Dan adored Branton and Susannah and treated them as if they were his own. I was longing to leave the United States. I wanted to live in Paris—a city I loved more than any other. Dan was able to arrange a job for himself there as a foreign correspondent. In early 1964 we went. Dan had repeatedly told me that he was sure we were meant to be together forever. I hoped that he was right and believed that if I tried hard enough to be a good wife I would learn to love him as he deserved. On July 29, 1964, we were married in Paris. Like every other man I have ever been close to, Dan knew long before we were married that my children would always come first. I had sat him down and told him that he would have to treat Susannah and Branton exactly the same as he would treat any child of his who might come along. He agreed. On June 12, 1965, Dan’s son Jesse was born. He was delighted. True to his word, never once did he favor Jesse over Branton and Susannah. This was great for all three children who came to know him well and to adore him. When presents were passed out, each child was equally favored. Dan belonged to all of them and they knew it. FATHERS, FATHERS Because Branton’s father lived in America and we lived in Europe, Branton did not see him again until he was 11. By that age I figured he was old enough to make the trip on his own and spend a week or two with Peter. Susannah was not really interested in her father—also in the United States—until she was about 17. She then went to Los Angeles to meet him. A good friendship developed between them which remained until Barry died. A non-traditional, unconventional family? Absolutely, but it worked because there was honesty and there was love—the two most important things in any family, anytime, anywhere. For five years I had told myself that, if only I could learn to love Dan more, then everything would be all right. But I couldn’t. And it wasn’t. Confused and disappointed, at the age of 27, I faced the fact that our marriage had failed. We moved to England and we separated. It was Easter. I went to a Buddhist monastery in Scotland to clear my head. Of course Dan grieved over the failure. But that never stopped him from being a welcome person in our family right up to his death. Years later he would marry Gerda Boyeson, a psychotherapist who died a few years before he did. BLESSED MEN The men who made my life rich after Dan and I divorced were, each in their own way, as special as he had been. Each accepted that my children came before all else in the world to me. I never compromised. I chose men, be they friends or lovers, who brought wonderful things to my children. No man ever came before my children. If any man didn’t understand and accept this, he had to go. One man whom I loved, Graham, taught my children to climb and sail and mountaineer. All my children forged deep bonds with Graham which have remained to this day. Another man, Garth, gave Branton, Susannah and Jesse his much cherished toy collection from his own childhood. Garth took us all on wonderful picnics, introduced us to hidden beaches, sang songs with us and blessed us with his unique brand of joy. Then there was David, a man with whom I lived with for 5 years in my late twenties. David constructed beautiful rooms for each of my children in the tiny house I had bought with the little money that my grandfather had left me, when Dan and I separated. David wrote and recorded songs for each of my children. That was 40 years ago. Last year, Susannah and her partner visited David and his wife in Barcelona where he now lives. AN UNCONVENTIONAL MOTHER Ironically, the only complaint I ever got from any of my children about my not being conventional enough was from Dan’s son Jesse. “Why aren’t you like other mothers?” Jesse asked one day when he was 7. “I don’t know, Jesse, what are other mothers like?” “Oh you know,” he said, “They’re fat and bake cookies.” Jesse even grumbled if, while I was waiting to pick him up from school, I sat on the playground swings. He was adamant that such behavior was not “proper” for his mother. Sixteen years after Jesse was born, I became pregnant for the last time by yet another special man—Paul. I announced my condition to 17 year old Susannah as we were all setting off for a six week holiday in Canada with Graham and his son Ruan. “I’m going to have a baby,” I told her. “Don’t worry Mama,” she laughed, “We’ll say it is mine!” FAMILY CELEBRATION In March of 1981, I gave birth to my fourth child, Aaron, at our home in Pembrokeshire. All three of my other children helped deliver him. While I was in labor, they prepared the most delicious lunch I have ever tasted from fruits and vegetables from the garden. I had insisted on giving birth naturally at home, not in some clinical, cold hospital. Jesse had been born via natural childbirth, at a clinique d’accouchement in Paris. After the experience of natural childbirth I swore if ever I had another child it would have to be this way. As for Dan, one way or another he was always close by. He knew David, Graham, Garth and every other man who was to play a role in my own life and my children’s lives. For many years he spent Christmases with us and with our other male friends when they were there. Dan loved to play saxophone at family gatherings. One year he dressed up as Santa Claus. Aaron, then 5 years old, was completely taken in by the costume and terrified when this rotund man belted out, “Ho, Ho, Ho, little boy, what do you want for Christmas?” It took a lot of reassurance from Aaron’s big brothers and sister to convince him that Santa was really ‘good old Dan.’ UNIQUE & INDEPENDENT As for my children, each of them is totally unique and highly independent. I have always fought hard to encourage them to trust themselves and listen to their own heart instead of doing or saying what the rest of the world tells kids they are supposed to do and say. After graduating with a first class degree from Lancaster University, Branton, now 53, developed a series of successful businesses. Susannah, 50, with whom I have written 5 books and done two television series, is a sought-after voice artist. Jesse, 48, is a highly skilled plastic surgeon. Jesse and I have also written a book together. Aaron, now 32, is a designer and filmmaker. He and I have worked together for the past four years developing Cura Romana—a spiritually based program for health, lasting weight loss and spiritual transformation. Branton and Jesse have been happily married for many years. Both have three children each. As for me, I am probably the world’s worst grandmother. I don't babysit, or do any of the things grandmothers are ‘supposed’ to do. (Including baking those cookies Jesse once complained about.) Why? I’m not sure. I guess because for forty-five years of my life I was a mother. I loved this more than all the books I’ve written, all the television programs I’ve devised and presented, all the workshops I’ve taught, and all the other things I’ve done and enjoyed. Right now, my life belongs to me alone. I love the freedom this brings me. I am passionate about being a catalyst in people’s lives, helping them realize their own magnificence and live out their potentials both for their own benefit and for the benefit of all. Who knows what exciting challenges lie before me. Bring them on!

Ten years ago the idea that free radical damage underlies both the aging process and the development of degenerative diseases like heart disease, cancer, diabetes and arthritis, seemed absurd. Nowadays we know different. Free radicals are all the rage. Every other book on health you come across is warning about the dangers of free radicals and telling you to take lots of vitamins A, C, and E, to protect yourself from these horrible demons. A free radical is a molecule with an unpaired electron, lustfully searching for a mate. There are several kinds of free radicals. Oxygen free radicals are particularly malevolent. They react quickly and greedily with other molecules. When they find a mate - and just about any mate will do - they can destroy cell membranes, disrupt DNA (the cell's genetic material) and wreak havoc with the body. Many things cause the production of free radicals. Air pollution, for instance, being exposed to ultra violet light or radiation, pesticides on foods, drugs, cigarette smoke, exposure to some plastics, and even polyunsaturated fats. Flying in jets also produces free radicals, as does living at a high altitude because in both cases you are subject to high levels of gamma radiation. Even exercise produces free radicals. And the experts on aging are right. Free radicals do cause terrible damage to the body. But only when they are produced in excess. There are lots of good things to be said about free radicals as well. This is something all those little books and articles on swallowing more ACE vitamins fail to tell you. energy equations What makes energy yielding metabolism possible in our bodies - in effect what keeps us alive - is the ability that we have evolved throughout the ages to take nutrients in through our foods and convert them into chemical and bioelectrical energy. We do this through oxidation or burning in a process known as aerobic metabolism. Enzymes in the body - living catalysts that make redox reactions possible - carefully control a series of small steps which liberate the maximum amount of energy present for effective use, while causing the minimum amount of disturbance to our cells. It is an enormously efficient way of producing and releasing energy which involves the transfer of electrons from one molecule to another. Scientists call this transfer an oxidation-reduction or a redox-reaction. So long as we live redox-reactions take place ceaselessly. The trouble is - and here's where free radical damage comes in - a number of highly reactive, potentially toxic and destructive species of molecules are generated in the process. The greater the bodily activity at any particular place or time, the more free radicals we generate. Our brain is a particularly demanding organ when it comes to energy. About 20% of our body's oxygen consumption is used by the brain. This gives the brain an enormous amount of energy but it also creates a fertile ground for free radicals to breed. Surges of various hormones in our bodies such as adrenaline and noradrenaline generate hydrogen peroxide which can also result in the formation of more free radicals - so much so that we frequently generate more than our antioxidant defense mechanisms can handle. Most free radicals are generated during the day. Some researchers believe that free radical formation in the day time and free radical quenching that occurs at night while we sleep may be the driving power behind the circadian rhythms - that is the biological control of events in the body. 10,000 hits a day What is amazing is just how enormous free radical activity is in the human body. One of the major experts in free radical biochemistry, Dr Bruce Ames at the University of California, Berkeley, estimates that every cell in our body experiences 10,000 free radical `hits' each day of our life. A well nourished, healthy body is equipped to handle them. As humans we have amazing antioxidant defense mechanisms - enzymes like glutathione peroxidase, super-oxide dismutase and catalase. Provided we are leading a balanced life, eating plenty of fresh foods, getting optimum amounts of exercise, and are not exposed to excessive amounts of chemical pollution, all should go well. What's happening to many of us, however, is that we are subjected to more free radical activity than our natural antioxidant mechanisms can detoxify. Then we get oxidation damage as excess free radicalss wreak havoc with our bodies. They can form cataracts in the eyes, trigger Alzheimer's disease, cause premature aging and the build up of cholesterol in the arteries, as well as a thousand other negative changes associated with aging. strange paradox So free radicals put us in the strange position of being totally dependent upon them for our life energy yet completely susceptible to their toxic effects - what in biochemistry is know as oxidizing-stress or oxy-stress. It is this oxy-stress which poses a continuous challenge to the integrity of our cells and tissues. As the free radical enthusiasts point out, this is the central cause of premature aging. The key to making free radical biochemistry work for you instead of against you, is balance. When there are too many free radicals produced in your system as a result of poor digestion, or stress, or exposure to excessive ultraviolet light, or pollutants in air and water, then you suffer oxy-stress. Antioxidants such as vitamins A, C, and E, beta carotene, Co Enzyme Q10, selenium and many potent plant-based factors like pycogynol, help quench oxy-stress and prevent free radical damage. So nowadays we are continually urged to take more of them to prevent premature aging and illness. Yet this is not quite as simple as the free radical rockers would have us believe. And popping pills is not always the best way to go about it.

In the realm of cooking a whole new ethos is being born. You don’t need to have every ingredient to make a recipe work. I no longer worry about coming into my kitchen and making a meal out of practically nothing—wilted spinach, whatever herbs I have in the garden, four eggs, an apple, half a carrot, and a piece of fresh ginger. Make up your own recipes. Don’t get hung up on measurements. Use them only as guidelines. Try a little more of something that intrigues you, a little less of what does not. If you like the look of some recipe you’ve come across but don’t have all the ingredients, substitute. At the age of 11, one of my sons, Jesse, decided to make Banana Bread. The recipe he found called for nine ingredients but he had only five. So he tossed all five of them together and whipped it all up. Much to his amazement and ours, he managed to create what we in the family thought was the nicest “Banana err...something or other” that we had ever tasted. So put your kitchen scales away and forget the complex routines for preparing a béchamel sauce. You see, Come Alive Cookery breaks all the rules. It’s not rules that matter when preparing foods. It is a kind of passion for the foods themselves—a feeling reflected in your passion for the earth and life itself. You can watch this in a small child as he enthusiastically devours a bowl of fresh strawberries drizzled with honey. Such passion, which is visual, visceral, and sensuous, can become an inspiration in food preparation, which leads you automatically to make certain choices. If two things look good together they taste good together. Open wide your kitchen window. Welcome the breezes of experiment, wit and spontaneity. The standard meal of roast meat and boiled Brussels sprouts topped off with a piece of sticky toffee pudding must be replaced by something far more hedonistic: slivers of raw Pacific salmon, luscious garden-fresh salads with a slice or two of Russian black bread followed by a winter sorbet of cranberry and mint—foods that are lighter, richer in top quality proteins, full of texture, flavor, and surprises. I look on food as a source of both delight and life-energy passed on to us from the earth. And I believe this energy needs to be preserved by not cooking food too much but by eating it fresh and respecting its essential nature. That way meals become a medium for building the kind of natural vitality that protects your body from premature aging and illness, enhances good looks, and keeps your minds clear. It is the life-energy present in abundance in fresh foods and clean, simple proteins from fish, game, organic meat, and poultry that makes such foods irresistible. Shun manufactured convenience foods that fill up the shelves of supermarket. They’re dead and can make you feel dead if you eat them. Instead, use Real Food—fresh, organic stuff untainted by chemicals, preservatives, colorants, and phony flavor enhancers. We thrive on the kind of food our grandparents grew for themselves. Why? Because these foods are both the most delicious and the most life nurturing. Your kitchen, big or small, should be treated like an artist’s atelier in which you can lose yourself in creative games. I remember as a child sitting in front of an old Stanley stove gazing into the flame filled with delightful visions as my grandmother canned pears, peaches, and green beans for winter. My kitchen is more like a sculptor’s studio than a food preparation station. It is a place where I can laugh with friends, workmates, and family while discussing both serious and trivial stuff as we prepare meals together. Every kitchen should be a space that reflects things that delight you or amuse you. Twenty years ago I bought a gigantic soup ladle that has hung above my sink ever since. It is so big I use it only rarely. It would be ideal for a Salvation Army soup kitchen. Practical? Not really. But I love its beautiful shape and the absurdity of its size makes me laugh. In India the best foods are those you buy in the cheapest cafés because they have been made with love and joy (sometimes with humor too). The word “café” is really a euphemism, since these places are little more than a few stone slabs in which a fire has been built for cooking. Yet the foods they sell are infinitely better tasting, more nourishing and “safer”—less likely to cause Delhi belly than all the fancy foods you get in India’s most expensive restaurants and hotels. Unless each dish you prepare is invested with love—or at least lots of affection—the meal will be dead. Have you noticed how much better food tastes when it’s cooked by someone who likes cooking? This is not because they know what they’re doing; it’s because they love what they do. The bottom line is simple: Experiment and enjoy. The rewards can be endless in terms of health and sensuous pleasure. Above all...have fun!

When it comes to prevention and treatment, opt for nature power every time. Simple herbs work better and are far safer than conventional medical “solutions”. They can keep you from being laid low by illness, even when people all around you are dropping like flies. If you are generally healthy, yet lead a stressful lifestyle, the occasional cold is simply your body’s way of trying to force you to get some extra rest and clear out toxic waste. However, if you find yourself spending most of winter with your nose in a handkerchief, then you need to take preventative action. Colds and most flu are caused by viruses. There are many natural ways to help protect from them. Viruses cannot replicate themselves without entering your cells and altering their function. Prevent a virus invading your cells, and you will stop cold and flu in their tracks. Giving your immune system a boost for the colds and flu season is the key to doing this. Here’s how: Eat well—plenty of fresh vegetables and some low-glycemic fruit, and cut out all packaged convenience foods. They are worthless when it comes to protecting or enhancing your health. At first sniffle, stop eating cooked food. I often don’t eat anything at all—just take live, fresh organic juices like carrot, spinach, apple, celery, kale—whatever I have in the house or can pick from my organic garden. Animals stop eating when they feel unwell. So do children. Your body needs all its strength to get rid of the invaders. Trust this. Boost your immunity by wrapping yourself in a comforting blanket, watch your favorite film or listen to music you love. Have a glass of fresh raw juice. If you prefer something warm, make yourself a bowl of tonic soup out of organic vegetables. Remember, your body is trying to clear itself of stuff that does not belong in it. Make time to let the clearing take place. Think back to the discoveries of two Nobel Prize winners—back when the Nobel Prize still meant something: Start by taking 3 grams (that’s 3000 milligrams) of vitamin C four times a day. This may sound excessive, but if you are under-the-weather or your immune system needs a boost, your body will soak up vitamin C like blotting paper. It’s worth remembering that we don’t make our own vitamin C like other animals. If we were goats, we would be making 5 grams of vitamin C per day or even more. But we humans can’t make our own, so we need to supply it. Your body will flush out any vitamin C it doesn’t need. If you find your bowel movements are loose, then reduce the amount you are taking a little. You can rest assured that your cells are being adequately flushed with ascorbic acid. If you have a delicate tummy, go for a brand that’s “buffered.” Personally, I take 3 grams of Vitamin C 3 or 4 times a day whenever I feel a cold or flu threatening, until 2 days after all symptoms have disappeared. And how do you live a cold-free, flu-free life from now on? Eliminate cereal-based, grain-based and sugar-based carbs. Eat a large, raw salad for one meal a day. This is the best possible way of enabling your body to rebalance and rebuild itself and restoring metabolism to its peak level. Eat plenty of “high water” foods. Your body is 70% water. For it to cleanse itself properly, you need to make sure at least 50-75% of your daily diet high-water foods—like fresh, low-glycemic fruit and vegetables. Eat most of them raw. Drink plenty of clean water—up to 3 liters a day if ever you feel yourself coming down with a cold. Avoid coffee, milk—which is mucus-forming—and alcohol. Make good use of the delicious herb teas now available. It’s all so simple, yet so powerful to keep yourself healthy. Try it and see. I think you will be delighted!

Syndrome X Phenomenon As an awareness of the Syndrome X phenomenon of insulin resistance spread, researchers and clinicians have begun to understand that many of us who are not diabetic still experience insulin resistance. Responsible scientists began to ask questions about what causes it. The discoveries they are now making are nothing short of revolutionary. They not only offer us the power to slow the rate at which our bodies age. They are experimenting with protocols that can, potentially reverse negative conditions from hypertension, insulin resistance to cholesterol imbalances and depression, simply by changing the way you eat and live. This experience is one I became fascinated with when, several years ago, I made a television documentary in the Southern Hemisphere called To Age or Not To Age. It asked the question, “Can we slow aging by making simple nutritional changes?” We also wanted to know “Might it also be possible to reverse age-related degeneration that has already occurred?” And, finally, “Can these things be verified in medically measurable ways?” We decided to carry out what is known as a base-line study to find out. We sent all participants to have the standard test of medical parameters checked before the project began—from fasting insulin and blood sugar levels through cholesterol, triglycerides and blood pressure. These were carried out at a hospital which also had an excellent physiology laboratory, where exercise physiologists were able to establish each participant’s VO2Max, body fat percentage and lean body mass to fat ratio. To my surprise, every participant—including a 50 year old top athlete—showed abnormalities associated with Syndrome X. We then introduced our group to an Insulin Balance way of eating, which I devised. The experiment lasted only 5 weeks. Then we sent all our participants back to the hospital to have their parameters checked again. The results were mind-blowing. We had no idea that, after only 5 weeks of dietary changes, every abnormal medical parameter had normalized, except for cholesterol measurements in one woman, which took another few weeks to normalize. For me personally, the experiment confirmed yet again that the human body has a phenomenal capacity to heal itself, when given the opportunity to experience transformation at the deepest levels. This is a truth which, for the past four years, I have applied to helping to transform the lives of men and women all over the world, whom I have been mentoring on Cura Romana. The results continue to delight me.