personal growth

The way you look and feel, how satisfying your life is, and how all of these things will be in your future depends primarily on you. Unless you are aware of this, unless you have an active sense of participating in and being responsible for your own well-being, you are unlikely to develop the motivation you need to make the best of your potentials in every aspect of your life. Self-responsibility holds the key. SHEEP ARE EVERYWHERE For most of us, the idea of taking full responsibility for ourselves is not easy to embrace, no matter how attractive it may seem in the abstract. This is especially true today. Our 21st century culture rewards conformity, not autonomy. The man or woman who spends half an hour a day exercising, goes away for a weekend retreat of meditation, or insists on eating a genuinely good diet is too often treated like some kind of nut—joked about, teased, or simply undermined by other so-called "normal" people. The status quo—THE SHEEP—live their lives accepting all illness as inevitable and all misfortune as something beyond our control, to which we fall prey as “innocent victims.” Such beliefs are powerfully self-perpetuating. And, the values of wellness and self-responsibility are a direct challenge to conventional values. As a result, each of us has to go to special lengths to assert a healthier and more rewarding way of life. For instance, at times we not only have to put up with contempt voiced by the media. We may have to go out of our way to pursue the simple goal of optimum health—choosing to buy real food instead of opting for over-processed supermarket fare. We may also have to excuse ourselves from irrelevant social commitments in order to do what we love most and believe is best for our own lives and the lives of those we love. THE GOOD NEWS At this point in history, a current of awareness of the power and importance of self determination, wholeness and health is beginning to challenge dumbed-down conformism. This makes it easier than it would have been twenty years ago for us to discover our own truths and live them. A steadily growing number of men and women have become determined to live life their own way and fulfil their full potentials. I believe that there is more support around us than ever before to help us do this. There are some good books (and a great many not-so-good ones alas) which give useful information about real nutrition, meditation, exercise, and self reliance. There are a number of interesting programs and techniques that encourage personal growth. A few of the best-known include bioenergetics, Transactional Analysis, transpersonal psychology, Reiki and Alexander Technique. None give any final answers, but all offer modalities that can be helpful in breaking up old, inappropriate belief systems, habits, and behavior patterns pointing the way toward greater autonomy. I personally steer clear of organizations and “gurus.” I mistrust personality cults that surround leaders who claim to show you step-by-step the path to enlightenment or whatever else they happen to be selling. The truth is never to be found outside of ourselves. FORGE NEW HABITS Just as regressive choices and negative behavior patterns tend to reinforce themselves, so growth choices and choices for individual freedom, authenticity, and self-reliance make it progressively easier and easier for us to grow, discover our values, and learn to live our truth from the core of our unique essential being. What in the beginning may seem a bit difficult—say, turning aside from eating something that looks delicious but does nothing to contribute to your wellbeing—gets progressively easier each time you do it. The rewards that honoring yourself and making growth choices bring—wellbeing, and a steadily increasing sense of personal strength and self-respect become more satisfying. YOU CONTROL YOUR LIFE Building self-responsibility begins with acting on the conviction that you trust yourself, not the media, the “experts”, or other people’s opinions. Behaving as if you are in control, and accepting personal accountability for your health and your life, is a simple but powerful way to make it all happen. It steadily brings the control you seek. There are some other things which I believe can be helpful in building self trust and self reliance too. 1. DECIDE THAT YOU MATTER. Accept yourself as you are right now. People who are chronically ill or dependent on drugs, alcohol or non-productive behavior patterns have very little self-esteem. Self-esteem is not something that comes only after you have made the changes in your life which you decide to make. Making positive changes is far easier once you accept yourself and treat yourself with the respect you deserve right now. OK, so you’re not perfect. Who is? But you are just fine as you are. Then you are well on your way to becoming who you will be. 2. TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE. Although you may be influenced by other people's ideas, by what you read, hear, or see—as we all are—ultimately only you can make the choices that are going to work for you. Where you are right now is the result of past choices you have made. Where you will be in the future depends on the choices you make now. Once you accept this responsibility both emotionally and intellectually, you discover you are no longer blaming other people or fate for your situation. Scapegoats get cleared away. You no longer see yourself as a victim, nor do you consider yourself impotent or inadequate. 3. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY. It is a good thing to fulfil this right. It is not selfish, nor need it lead to disregarding other people's happiness. For when you are happy and healthy, you become free to share yourself, your abilities, your beauty—both external and of your spirit—with those around you. And the better you feel about yourself and your life, the easier you will find it to make choices that are good for you and ultimately good for others. 4. SET SOME GOALS. Goals matter, both little goals and large ones. Not only are they helpful in accomplishing things you would like to achieve, they can protect you from falling into old habit patterns that no longer serve you. No matter what goals you choose, they should be your goals—things you genuinely want to achieve. Goals someone else has created for you or goals you believe you should want to accomplish are worthless. Goals not only carry a sense of purpose. They help you remain well-grounded. It is good to know where you are going. 5. CHECK OUT YOUR BELIEF SYSTEMS. What has formed the habits and assumptions behind different decisions you make? Are the things you have always assumed to be true appropriate to you now? To the goals you have set? To your new sense of self? Or are they outdated? When you choose something, is it a choice you make because you believe it will bring you greater happiness, independence, better health and creativity? If so, go for it. If not let go of them. The more aware you become of why you make choices, the more free you become to make positive choices and trust them. Sympathy from others, or the temporary gratification of smoking, excess eating, and other negative habits is of little value compared to the joy and happiness which follow growth choices. Sometimes it is uncomfortable to face old habits of thinking and behaving and then discard them. With practice, though, it becomes easier and easier. 6. DECIDE TO BE ALL YOU CAN BE. Then imagine yourself being everything you desire to be when you are relaxing of meditating. Enjoy the vision—the more clearly you imagine it, the more easily do your visions become reality. Periodically ask yourself questions about your life, such as "Does the way I am living, do the people I spend time with, and the activities I take part in contribute to my goal of becoming who in essence I have always been but never realised it? Or do some of these things need to be left behind?" "Am I choosing consciously to do this particular thing, or is it the result of unconscious fears or old belief systems?" 7. DON’T FORGET TO LAUGH. Keep a sense of fun and humor about everything you do. The only reason to become healthier, more radiant, and vital is so you can enjoy life more. Pursued as a narcissistic end, self-determination leads nowhere. Pursued with a child-like sense of wonder and curiosity, the process can carry you to creativity, satisfaction and authentic freedom. It’s a road worth travelling...it’s your road.

When it comes to rejuvenation on an emotional and spiritual level, the most powerful way there is to liberate life energy is simply to tell the truth. This means nothing more than allowing yourself to be what you are, without the pretensions or self-limiting assumptions that can unconsciously block the experience of being fully alive and able to make full use of your potentials. Far too much vitality lies stillborn beneath patterns of addictive behavior, fear, and heavy psychological baggage - the kind of stuff we all carry around with us to thwart our energy and make simply being who we are hard work. life energy thwarted The physical, emotional, spiritual and social environment in which most of us grow up rarely supports the full unfolding of our individual nature. As a result, like a plant trying to develop in depleted soil with too little rain and too little sun, each of us develops our own brand of disharmony and distortion. We may try to change ourselves to be what we think others want us to be, or we bury deep inside us all our fears, disappointments and frustrations lest they rock the boat of our day-to-day lives. Every past experience, all thoughts, perceptions and fears, can become encoded within the molecular structures of the body in the form of layer after layer of old "stress". Later on in life such `encoding' can manifest as muscle tension, metabolic processes that don't function as well as they should, negative thought patterns and recurring emotions such as fear, anxiety or depression. This happens to all of us to some degree. When we carry around a lot of old stress we can also gradually develop a lack of trust in ourselves, a lack of confidence, or a feeling of being unworthy or guilty. We can even end up burdened by a sense of meaninglessness which leads to addiction, or greed for material things, so that no matter how much we acquire we never fill up our emptiness. polishing the lens of perception At the core - at the very center of our being - beneath whatever physical, emotional or mental rubbish we have accumulated, is where true freedom is to be found. Rediscovering this freedom is essential for rejuvenation. It asks that we let go of distorted habit patterns, fears and frustrations which have developed over the years, and gradually reassert our trust in our essential self. The false ideas, notions and habit patterns that suppress and squander our life energy make us highly susceptible to early aging. They represent psychic and spiritual rubbish which is not only a big energy drainer but can cause as much free radical damage as living on junk food or taking drugs. The wonderful thing about the psyche is that, like the body, given half the chance it will detoxify itself so that life-changing psychic and spiritual energy is released. Psychic detoxification brings a spiritual rejuvenation in its wake that can echo throughout your whole life, adding the freshness of a child's vision to the wisdom you have developed over the years. There are many ways to go about it. Good psychotherapy can help. So can meditation, certain energy approaches to exercise such as Chi Chung, Tai Chi, Yoga and martial arts practices - provided they are taught with a real understanding of the spiritual power that underlies them. But one of the simplest to learn, yet most effective ways of doing this is by autogenic training. It costs nothing but a little time to learn the technique. Once learned, a daily practice of five or ten minutes a day over time can clear away psychological blocks and lift off stresses that have been locked deep within for a lifetime.

To make the most of your potential you have to truly own your body. This means realizing that your entire body, from the roots of your hair to the tips of your toes, is the embodiment of your Self. Sadly most of us dissociate from our body. We imagine ourselves as a mind somewhere in our heads which is responsible for the rest of us from the neck down. This dissociation encourages us to treat our bodies with contempt: we eat the wrong foods, drink too much, and continually drive ourselves beyond the state of fatigue. Then, when we suffer from pains or get sick we wonder foolishly why fate seems to have it in for us. Sound familiar? Rather than treat your body like a machine which seems to break down for no apparent reason, you need to begin listening to what it tells you. Very often, we can prevent illness or heal ourselves by taking the trouble to tune into our bodies. By increasing your awareness and sensitivity throughout your body, you can not only avoid many health and beauty hazards, you can also learn to apply all of yourself to whatever you are doing and so function at a much more efficient level in everything you do. Total involvement can bring with it great joy and a sense of energy. "Lord, Help me to accept the things I cannot change. Give me the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." It is important to begin by accepting your own form. All of us have things which we dislike about our bodies. It may be the size of your bust or your hips/waist/thighs, the shape of your nose or chin, your teeth, hair, etc. We waste far too much time and energy worrying about the parts of ourselves that we dislike, instead of focusing on the positive things and putting our energy into the task at hand. Try the following exercise to put your dislikes into perspective. confront the mirror Stand in front of a full-length mirror naked and use a hand mirror to take a really good look at yourself from all angles. Make a list of all the things you dislike about yourself. Be thorough and write down everything you see which you dislike. Now take a pen and give each item a code. If it is something that cannot be changed, for example your height, mark it with a "I" for impossible. If it is something that would require professional help to fix such as chipped or gappy teeth, bust size, disfiguring scars, etc. mark it with a "P." If it something that you know can be changed such as your haircut, muscle tone, weight, excess body hair etc., mark it with a "C." I - impossible to change P - professional assistance c - possible to change for instance... some sample dislikes might be: BUST TOO SMALL I/P I wouldn't want to go through implantation surgery. Perhaps if I slim a bit I'll lose some weight from my hips and my bust won't look so small by comparison. HIPS TOO BIG C I really would like to do something once and for all about my weight problem so that I can wear more attractive clothes and feel like less of a moose. DOUBLE CHIN C/P A face lift would be too expensive. I'll look into exercises to tone my chin and neck muscles. THIN HAIR - CUT DOESN'T SUIT ME C It's definitely time to change this haircut. I think perhaps I'll try a better hairdresser, even if it is more expensive. Hopefully a good professional will be able to tell me what style would suit me best. DARK CIRCLES UNDER EYES I/C I'm not sure if I can get rid of them. Perhaps a detoxification diet for a few days would help? ONE EAR HIGHER THAN THE OTHER I I think I'm stuck with this one. SPLITTING NAILS C I would really love to have long strong nails. I'll promise myself to manicure them regularly and take some vitamin and mineral supplements to strengthen them. CELLULITE ON THIGHS I/P/C? I'm not sure how to get rid of it, but I can't accept it so I'll do what I can. EXCESS HAIR ON MY THIGHS P For the moment I don't really care, but perhaps I'll get my legs waxed before I go on holiday. First, look at the C's. Decide whether you really care enough about the thing to change it. If you do, underline it, and make a mental decision to take action on it. If you don't care enough to do something about it, then it's not worth worrying about any more, so cross it off your list. Now look at the P's and decide whether they are really a possibility - could you afford the expense of professional help? Is the problem really that important to you? Again, either decide to do something about it and begin by making inquiries, or choose to accept it and cross it off your list. Finally, count the number of "impossible" dislikes you are left with. Take another look at yourself in the mirror and this time, beside the first list, make a second list of all the things you do like about yourself. Go on writing things down until your list of likes is at least as long as your list of impossible dislikes. If you run out of things you like then write down the things about yourself which you don't mind. some sample likes might be: EYES People have told me they're nice HANDS I quite like my hands HAIR I like the natural color of my hair LEGS I suppose my legs aren't too bad, although I could lose some weight from my thighs. Make a decision to begin to appreciate and accentuate your positive features and not dwell on your dislikes. The more you focus on your good points, the less you'll notice or even care about your dislikes.

What gives any woman charisma? The Chanel suit she wears? The car she drives? The way she has been taught to use her body or speak her words? Not really. For stylish or charming as these things may be, they are ultimately externals—things put on from the outside. As such they offer a woman little more than the appearance of charisma. And, like pastiche, appearances never deceive a discerning eye. What are the characteristics of real charisma? Where does it come from? How do you get it? And what is living with it all about? Charisma—the real McCoy—has certain characteristics: expansiveness for instance, and energy, joy and creativity. It is not only a way of being which calls forth all the powers of a woman— from the pragmatic to the inspirational, the intellectual to the intuitional. It is also a way of relating to yourself, to those you work with and play with—even to the planet itself—through all of these modes. That is why at its core, charisma is both disarmingly simple and immeasurably complex—neither more nor less than living day by day from a full and honest outpouring of your own individuality—the spirit which is unique to you. CHARISMA—YOUR UNIQUE ENERGY This unique nature, which each woman has but most of us have yet to discover, can be expressed in a myriad of ways from the most simple and playful to the most profound—in the colors you like best for instance, in the way you choose to have your hair cut, the kind of make-up you wear (or prefer NOT to wear). It is also explicit in the way you think and talk, and in the kind of deep values you embody, the dreams you dream and the things you create, whether they be works of art, intellectual or physical feats, or simple day-to-day ways of being. Charisma is also evident in the rhythms and fluctuations of this energy. How different you are, for instance on the tennis court, than when you hold a child in your arms, produce a piece of work, get involved in an intellectual discussion, or embrace a lover. Yet in each of these circumstances, provided you are true to yourself, you will have charisma—the originality of your spirit will shine through. IT COMES FROM WITHIN Contacting that unique spirit, coming to respect it and having the courage to live from it, is what gaining charisma is all about. Sometimes challenging, frequently exciting, this process can be a lot of fun too. As it takes place, the externals—the clothes and make up you wear, the way you move and how you relate to your world, cease to be arbitrary, like things you pick up with uncertainty to carry around with you. Instead they seem to unfold and develop beautifully and mysteriously—almost organically—from within, as ever more honest and potent expressions of who you are. Whatever forms or shapes your individuality takes, one quality tends to permeate every facet of charisma as it unfolds: aliveness. That is where health comes in. Health is right at the core of charisma. The more fully and honestly your unique nature shows itself, the more charisma you will have. Simple? Nothing could be simpler. Yet in our 21st century crazy world, it would seem that our every encounter with the world around us—from breathing increasingly polluted air, to interacting with a media intent upon selling us things we don't need or don't want at prices we can often ill afford—contrives in one way or another to interfere with the process. Decide not to let it interfere with your discovery of who at the very core YOU are. I firmly believe that each of us is being called to become a creator of a new world—for ourselves then for the planet as a whole. I hope you will join me in your own process of becoming, in essence, who you are at the deepest levels of your being. For along with all the horror in our world there is such great promise. Has there ever been a more perfect moment for your charisma to come into its own?

Watch an animal move. The rhythmic lope of a wolf and the way its body becomes the motion. A horse in a field—tossing its mane, pounding its hooves, running for sheer pleasure. The dolphin as it leaps high in the air above the water, twisting its powerful body then disappears beneath the waves to emerge a minute later in another joyous leap. For many years, I wondered why most of us after childhood no longer experience this kind of rhythmical freedom, joy and vitality. Why, so often do we often feel only half alive? Why have we been tutored to think of our body as separate from ourselves—something to be criticised, judged, or pushed and shoved into shape, rather than celebrating its power and feeling the enthusiasm that comes with the natural movement that is our birthright? For many the primary experience of life is one of deadness. And since nobody can live long in deadness.We start to seek out artificial stimulants—drugs, alcohol, compulsive work or sex—in the hope that these things might, at least, bring back our sense of aliveness. The trouble is, none of the artificial practices work. Where do you find the real guide to joy and freedom? Listen to our animal friends be they domesticated or wild. Your whole life will change for the better. It stunned me when I became aware of this I then decided to see what I could learn from animals in my personal life. The experience of becoming fully awake and alive lies in the body of an animal itself. The same applies to us humans. It has to do with muscle. It's not our mind but our muscle that creates life-energy for us to think, move and feel. The power of the horse, the rhythmical gait of the wolf, the wild playfulness of the dolphin come from strong, fluid muscles. The more fluid the muscles in any living body, the more does it feel fully alive. Animal bodies have two fundamental components. So do we. They consist of lean body mass and fat. Like our own body organs like the heart, liver, spleen and pancreas, as well as their bones and skin must have a good supply of oxygen. They also need top quality nutrients from pesticide-free foods—proteins, fruits and vegetables. Both animals and humans thrive on foods grown in healthy soils. This is essential for us to think, feel, move, and grow so we can stay healthy naturally. The bodies of wild animals, as well as domestic ones—whose owners know enough not to feed their pets on the kibbled pet food junk sold everywhere—remain lean, sleek and beautiful lifelong. This brings power, ease of movement, stamina and beauty. Then they quite naturally express the exuberance essential to their nature that so inspires us when we are in their presence. Too often, we humans treat our bodies as if they were machines. Your body is nothing like a machine. Use a machine, and it wears out. Move your body, which is designed to be active, and you can delight in watching yourself becoming stronger, more fluid and more alive— no matter what your age or condition right now. Here are some more truths animals can share with us: Animals trust their instincts. If something smells bad, they don't question they just get away from it. Animals are in touch with their innate rhythms and the rhythms of the earth. This creates a life-sustaining harmony. Animals are powerful killers when they need to be. They are infinitely soulful as well and open to forming deep bonds both with us humans and with other animals. An animal eats when it's hungry if food is available. When it is not, it fasts. Animals love to play. Animals respect their elders and embrace the social order. Animals are unabashedly honest and loyal. An animal's patience and discipline when stalking or hunting is phenomenal. Animals form deep bonds with other animals even if they don't belong to the same species. A cat with an owl, a cheetah with a dog, a wild polar bear with a husky, a dolphin with a child, a duck with a rabbit. In Buddhist cosmology, there are beings known as "Bodhisattvas." These are believed to be perfected souls who, out of compassion for the struggles of all of us, choose to forsake enlightenment in order to dedicate themselves to helping liberate all beings. It is said that a Bodhisattva can appear in many forms—as a teacher, a helper, a lover—even an animal. According to Mahayana Buddhist teachings, the Buddha himself spent many lifetimes before experiencing his own liberation beneath the Bodhi tree. In many of these lives, he came to earth as an animal with the intention of bringing wisdom, healing and comfort to all beings. The eighth-century Indian saint Shantideva describes every Bodhisattva's intention: For as long as space endures And for as long as living beings remain. Until then may I too abide To dispel the misery of the world. I believe the gifts of a Bodhisattva are beautifully given us through the generosity of our animal friends. I have intimately known three animals that I sense carried the wisdom, healing power and compassion of a Bodhisattva. There was a cat named Carciofo (Artichoke in Italian), Alba, a hundred and forty pounds of pure white Arctic Wolf, whom Aaron and I shared a room with for five nights in Canada, and Tuffy, a gigantic Collie, who went everywhere with me from the time I was six years old. I have learned so very much from them. They showed me how important it is to watch and listen to animals I meet everywhere. I have always been so grateful for their wisdom. Try spending more and more time with animals, be they wild or domestic. Ask them to teach you how to make your own life richer, healthier and more wonderful. Listen in silence to what they show you. You can be quite sure that they won't let you down.